PPC: The Next Generation
by The Oracle At Delphi
Summary: Jenn is growing up in PPC Headquarters and learning how to be a good PPC agent. Will she survive the Cafeteria?


Jenn was curled up in the library, reading, most predictably, The Lord of the Rings. She had known this book from her cradle, but it never failed to suck her in and make her miss agent training.  
  
As one of the first children to be born in Headquarters, she had been petted and feted until she couldn't take it anymore. She had a collection of weapons to rival most agents, but unfortunately they were child-sized, so she couldn't really use them.  
  
She ignored the light pulse of electricity as a small box in her pocket zapped her thigh. She had gotten used to it, as it signified that she was going to be late for her classes.  
  
Thirty seconds later, a stronger pulse made her rub her leg, still deeply engrossed in the battle before the Black Gate. Finally, the gadget pulsed again and a voice came out.  
  
"Jenn, you are once again late for your class. Get going NOW!"  
  
Jenn jumped off her chair and started running. She tore through halls, ignoring where she was going, and she soon skidded to a stop beside the classroom.  
  
Late again, I see, Jenn. I may have to tell your parents.  
  
"Sorry, Professor, I was familiarizing myself with my chosen canon"  
  
You know that's not an excuse, Jenn. You use it almost every day.  
  
Jenn walked shamefacedly to her seat and opened her book.  
  
Today, as I was saying, we are going to talk about the different charges on the charge list. We shall be using the Lord of the Rings charge list for reference. I'm sure your parents can provide you with copies of the other canon's charge lists if you desire them. Please turn to page 151, which is the charge list.  
  
First on the list, under section A, you will find the heading 'Canon Violations'. Under this, you will see the sub-heading 'Character Disruptions'. These are some of the most important charges to know. They are also fairly obvious. Can anyone tell me some of them, and describe what they mean?  
  
A blonde at the back of the class raised her hand. Yes, Blythe?  
  
"Creating a designate male chauvinist, often Boromir or Aragorn. This means the disrupted character believes that women are only fit for sitting at home and sewing, something which is not a canon belief of either of those characters."  
  
Very good, Blythe. Anyone else?  
  
A teenage boy stuck up his hand.  
  
"Making improbable romantic liaisons between characters, like Elrond and Galadriel, which is gross because Galadriel's Elrond's mother-in-law!"  
  
Muffled giggles swept the class.  
  
Thank you, Terry. Now, under this sub-heading you will also find such things as breaking up canon romances and causing a member of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth to abuse his children/sub-ordinates.  
  
Jenn noted how neatly Professor Beans had said the slash mark and filed it away in her memory. You never knew when you would need to pronounce a slash mark.  
  
The next sub-heading is Social Disruptions. Can anybody give me an example of a charge from Social Disruptions?  
  
Jenn hesitantly stuck up her hand. She'd certainly heard her parents complain enough about it. "Umm, creating non-canonical races? Tolkien never put fairies or unicorns in Middle Earth, so the authors shouldn't either."  
  
Good, Jenn. That is one of the most pervasive delusions among Suvian authors. No, there are no unicorns, nor are there fairies, sylphs, banshees or other such nonsense. Middle Earth, however, does have vampires and werewolves, although not in the normally understood sense of vampire or werewolf. Any other examples? Bal?  
  
The said girl lifted her head up from her desk. "Wha? Oh, umm. confusing family trees, like making Frodo Bilbo's nephew instead of his cousin, of course, that was what the movie had, so it's really confusing."  
  
Glad to see that you were actually paying attention, Bal. That is correct. Anyway, it's time to break for lunch. I'll see you all back here in 1.5 hours. Now go away.  
  
The students streamed out the door, heading back to their parent's response centers for lunch, and maybe actually seeing their parents.  
  
Jenn's parent's response center was empty, but there was a large note on the console.  
  
Jenn! It's me, your mother! Your father and I are on a mission. We may be back late. There is food in the fridge. Eat it. If you do not, your father and I will use some of our (fairly effective) torture techniques on you.  
  
Have a good day! Your Mother.  
  
Jenn rolled her eyes. Her parents were so weird sometimes. She opened the fridge and found a fully cooked lasagna sitting there. "I guess I have to heat it up somehow. Cold lasagna's just gross."  
  
Jenn pulled the lasagna out of the fridge and stared at it.  
  
"Well, I can use the flamethrower, or I could try finding Lutrz. Decisions, decisions."  
  
Her dilemma was solved by the sight of her parent's mini, Lutrz, frolicking (if mini-balrogs frolic) in the center of the room. She suited it up in flame gear and walked over to him. "Hey, Lutrz, if you heat up my lunch for me, I'll give you bacon."  
  
The mini perked up. He loved bacon. He let out an affirmative growl and stomped over to the lasagna, letting out just enough heat to get it piping hot.  
  
Jenn pulled the economy-size pack of bacon out of the fridge and took out about six strips. "Here you go, Lutrz. Enjoy!"  
  
The mini growled his appreciation and walked off into his designated Pit of Mini-Evilness.  
  
Jenn cut a piece of lasagna and ate it in about two bites, and then walked out of the door in search of her best friend, Kaitlyn.  
  
Jenn had become learned in the art of letting her mind wander as she tried to get somewhere in Headquarters, so she soon arrived at the door hung with pretty cross-stitch patterns saying many pithy things, decorated with flowers.  
  
As she reached for the door, it was opened from the other side, revealing a black-haired girl her own age. "Wooh, sorry about that Jenn. I was just coming over to your place. Your parents are out, too?"  
  
"Yeah. They left the usual note threatening torture if I didn't eat lunch."  
  
"Hee, your parents are really weird."  
  
"I think it comes from being overworked."  
  
"Ah, yes, of course. Overwork is the cause of all problems."  
  
The two nodded sagely. "So, what should we do? We still got forty-five minutes to spare. Gotta be something we can do during lunch break."  
  
The girls walked together down the halls. "Well, there's knocking on doors and running away."  
  
They winced in unison. The first time they had tried that was also the last, and, unfortunately, they had found the door of a particularly unstable and violent agent. Suffice it to say that being chased down corridors by a woman wielding an acid gun was not a fun way to get their daily exercise.  
  
They looked at each other. "Naaah."  
  
They continued in their trek through the halls, finally ending up outside the doors to the cafeteria. They hesitated outside. "Should we go in?" Kaitlyn questioned.  
  
"Well, all the real agents eat in there."  
  
".Except when they're on missions."  
  
".They're usually kind of homicidal."  
  
"Experience is necessary. C'mon, let's go!"  
  
Kaitlyn pushed open the door to reveal a bustling room full of people of varied shapes, sizes, colours, and genders.  
  
"Right, no nervousness. Let's go."  
  
So, the two friends plunged into the depths of the PPC Cafeteria. 


End file.
